Want me to follow Jesus? Show me his long-form birth, death and resurrection certificate!
Jake Farr-Wharton 28 comments
For the past two thousand years, anecdote, allegory and allusion have reigned supreme and have been perfectly adequate for literally billions of people to covert to, or be indoctrinated into, the myriad sects of Christianity.
The reward of heaven, the threat of hell; shucks! Why would you need more than that to convert your ass to a religion that rewards faith over substance? After all, don’t forget what Jesus said;
"But these enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, bring them here and slay them in my presence." Luke 19:27.
Oh, sorry, wrong quote… what I meant to say was;
“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”” John 14:6.
There you have it. The only way to get into heaven and the hell away from hell, which I assume Jesus created because there’s no heaven or hell in the Old Testament, is through Jesus. And, as we all know, Jesus told his disciples;
"Truly I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all things take place.” Luke 21:32.
And;
“And Jesus was saying to them, "Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God after it has come with power."” Mark 9:1.
I mean, sure, they all endured horribly torturous deaths. And sure, none of them ascended to heaven prior to their deaths… but that doesn’t mean that Jesus lied! The disciples probably said something mean, like, “Jesus on a stick, this motza soup is hot!”
After all, Jesus did say;
“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” Matthew 18:6.
I mean, sure, he also said;
“And if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell.” Mark 9:47.
So the disciple could have just plucked his tongue out and then Jesus would have come back to pick up the disciple anyway... so, hmm. Well, I’d better not think too much about that, I darn heck buttocks sure don’t want to go to hell! Unlike you, apparently!
Furthermore, if you don’t convert, it’s not my fault; I told you everything that you should need to know in order to accept Jesus into the velvety folds of your heart (the metaphorical one, not the vital, blood-pumping one controlled by the hypothalamus)! So if you decide not to convert and be ‘born again’, then it’s not my fault!
You didn’t convert because there’s something wrong with you! Say, you’re not one of those homosexual-gay’s are you?
You know what? In the great words of a man with an orang-utan on his head, if you want me to follow Jesus, show me his long-form birth certificate, death certificate… and resurrection certificate!
Jake is the author of, “Letters to Christian Leaders – Hollow be thy claims”. . Or for those who prefer the authentic smell of a newly printed book over the soulless machinations of the kindle, . ***WARNING*** This book is so hot, it may impregnate your fingers as you read!
Gina
Saturday 30th April 2011 | 01:24 PMI commented on your book at Amazon. Thanks, Jake.
Gina
Sunday 1st May 2011 | 01:47 PMWell my comment was rejected by someone at Amazon -- I think because I posted a link to Rustylime.com. But I think you would've liked it.
Gilly
Thursday 5th May 2011 | 10:06 PMWhen the Jews return to Zion
And a comet rips the sky
And the Holy Roman Empire rises,
Then you and I must die.
From the eternal sea he rises,
Creating armies on either shore,
Turning man against his brother
'Til man exists no more.
Well the Jews are now in Zion and the Comets only months away
Yep thats right Elenin is the death Star and you are going to Hell
and that lovely poem/prophecy is from the movie "The Omen" remember Damion Thorn.
Yeah, argue about Christs birth certificate while death stalks you, waiting to send you to HELL for ever...eternity
Christ only asked you accept him as your personal saviour, nothing else. JFW is delusional and brainwashed, he's lost, dont follow the lost
dfdfd
Friday 6th May 2011 | 11:32 AM...in response to this comment by Gina. thomas sabo tienda
Gina
Friday 6th May 2011 | 12:16 PM...in response to this comment by dfdfd. What's shakin?
Gary
Tuesday 10th May 2011 | 10:25 PM...in response to this comment by Gilly. So this is the compassion of your bible you mentioned a few posts ago? Care to explain?
Gary
Tuesday 10th May 2011 | 11:35 PM...in response to this comment by Gilly. Um, Girly or what ever your name is. If the water doesnt turn bitter and world war three doesnt break out on oct the 12th will you pull your head in, apologise to these people and never ever come back?
I mean like totally forget this kick you are on and cancel your internet account?
The way I see it, If you miss this one you will be freaking bat shit on the next comet or planetoid.
Come on, will you cancel all internet if you are wrong? Or will you say I give up, jesus aint coming in anyones life time.
Gilly
Wednesday 11th May 2011 | 12:48 PMReading impaired Gary? Gilly is how its spelt, but I digress.
Compassion? Are you short a few IQ points there Gaz.
God, you know the God of the bible is about rectifying relationships through Christ.
Outside of that Gaz you are dead meat, aborted from him if you will, unacceptable. You know-Going to Hell.
Compassion? Yeah you are living in fairy land if you think hell doesnt exist.
You'd be living in fairy land if you think the bible talks about compassion for those outside of Christ.
If you think the bible is all about lovey dovey ideals and ring a ring a roseys butterflys and unicorns have a chat with Jake, he will tell you what the bible is all about. JUDGEMENT
Where is your head at Gary?
and will I go away just for you Gaz? you are just nuts.
Gary
Wednesday 11th May 2011 | 02:39 PMSo you will bullshit and rebullshit when you want to.
From the archives I have gone over. You do not know your ass from your elbow.
That was a a statement Girly. Don't bother replying.
Gary DeVaney
Wednesday 18th May 2011 | 02:28 AMGreat Jesus quotes. Goodle: "Did Jesus Christ Lie" for more controversial quotes.
Gary DeVaney
Wednesday 18th May 2011 | 02:29 AMSorry! Google: "Did Jesus Christ Lie"
Mud
Wednesday 18th May 2011 | 12:39 PMHas it started raining lime names that start with a "G"? It used to be "M's" from memory.
Mud
Wednesday 18th May 2011 | 02:23 PM...in response to this comment by Gilly. The Omen is a "movie". Its fiction. Just like Revelation.
Nice cut and paste.
Gary
Wednesday 18th May 2011 | 03:52 PMI think he is talking about that compassion you lack Muddie. I wonder what someone will think of that Girlie can copy next.
Giant squid found off the Gaza strip. Cow grows to 800 kilos in Lebanon?
Mud
Wednesday 18th May 2011 | 09:48 PMGaz, folk watch too much Harry Potter and Dr Who. Every week some despicable alien life form is coming to wipe us out after having set us up for the fall 1000's of years ago.
Actually, that is the plot of every science fiction story that features in the cinema or TV.
Revelation 2
Predator vs Voldemort, compassion for the last humans.
You saw it here first? No, Noah beat us to the punch.
g
Wednesday 6th July 2011 | 04:32 PMIts amazing the stupidity of those who write articles around here.
So Jake are you suggesting in your complete and utter ignorance that anybody who hasnt had or doesnt hold a birth certificate never existed.
Thats a huge step down the road of stupidity, even for you.
But the most amazing thing is the amount of STUPID Lemmings following you down that road.
anyway this is interesting and no doubt your original inspiration, well, as original as I am afraid you can be.
g
Thursday 7th July 2011 | 09:29 AMObama what a funny fellow.
Where have all the US flags gone from the Presidents press conferences.
Why have they been replaced by some Green Arabian wallpaper.
I think Obama is embarrassed by the US.
Just an outsiders observation is all.
Muddie
Thursday 7th July 2011 | 06:25 PMat least he doesnt change the quotes when he posts them.
How would you know if he did?
g
Thursday 7th July 2011 | 11:10 PMI can see the paddock is not barren from the dust
Ned Kelly was a criminal to the homeless
Muddie
Friday 8th July 2011 | 05:06 PMNed Kelly was tried and hanged for being a criminal. I don't think you housing status has anything to do with your adulation of the myth of Ned (or jesus for that matter).
Maybe the fact that Ned appears to be a prize self deluded prick from the literature reflects this association and codependence you and your buddies have with Ned. Long dead Ned needs cred from people who never read and you need a simply named myth to quote. Hadrian is just that little bit too hard to spell for the homeless.
Ps have you and your mates recovered since the government stopped using brucine in metho?
g
Friday 8th July 2011 | 07:53 PMWow
You tried to deduce my stupid random comments.
I dont bother wasting my time on yours.
Get a life.
JustAFriend
Friday 29th July 2011 | 09:15 AM...in response to this comment by Gilly. Brother, u speak true. All Jesus wants is to exept him as the one who died for our sins and ask for forgivness, that is not much. That proves the mercifulness, love, and compasion he has for us all. Who ever is reading my post, Jesus does love & care, the evils of this world come from the evil which we commit, we are all guilty, but forgiven when asked of. It is like a parrent and a child. What a strong bond it is, he will never give up on you until the dayyou take your last breath. None can make you see that, he will not force that on you. It is like a father telling his son not to smoke because it will create a corruption of the body, but his child does it anyway because it is his choise to make. Then later the child is diagnosed with cancer. We have our dicision to make, to follow him or not. Even Albert Einstein could not argue about Jesus existence: "You accept the historical existence of Jesus?"
"Unquestionably! No one can read the Gospels without feeling the actual presence of Jesus. His personality pulsates in every word. No myth is filled with such life."7 Research yourself at www.godandscience.org/apologetics/einstein.html
Muddie
Saturday 30th July 2011 | 09:12 AM...in response to this comment by g. Gina/gilly/het dumbo/G/g, Goldiolcks
You said it. All of your remarks are random.
mckstud2
Saturday 20th August 2011 | 02:43 AMYou do a great job of quoting the bible entirely out of context so it suits your needs. Way to go! Whenever you decide to have an intelligent debate on issues of faith, Jesus, religion, etc., I'd be interested to see it. Until then, keep spitting in the wind.
Sounds like "eisegesis" Eisegesis is the process of misinterpreting a text in such a way that it introduces one's own ideas, reading into the text.
f~
Muddie
Saturday 20th August 2011 | 10:21 PMThat would be pretty hatd. To have a debate about jesus you would have to examine what jesus is or isnt.
If jesus was the man of the bible myth, you can only argue he is real because the bible says so..and, frankly the bible before it would deny precedence of such a character.
If you argue hat jesus did exist but the bble really doesnt represent a real historical character, then you havent any historical validity.
I think debating jesus was best left to "John". Promptly ignore anything he ever said.
Jim
Friday 29th April 2011 | 08:19 PMGreat article, catchy title too. :)
Good to see you as a published author, I'll have to check it out. It's certainly on my wishlist.