The Death of Blow Jobs
Joe Marco 20 comments
Cancer is killing the fun out of everything. First it was smoking, then the sun, then red meat, then drinking, then warming up your left overs in a plastic container in a god damn microwave, and now...blow jobs...jesus man, is nothing sacred?
You take away blow jobs and you’ve effectively killed us. As it stands from this point on, we have anywhere from ten to twenty years left before we see an explosion in Cervical, Mouth,Throat, Penile and the ever dreaded Anal Cancer. And we owe it all to a subtle virus that according to the CDC of all sexually active people, 50% of them sooner or later will contract HPV...the virus responsible for genital warts and now oral cancer.
I like to smoke. I like to drink. I like to screw on occasion and never, not once have I ever said no to a blow job. I think Captain Kirk said it best, “Blow Job is a common earth greeting!”. What testosterone filled male would ever refuse a BJ? Even when one doesn’t want to sleep with an ugly girl you still let her give you head.
I once got blown by a fine lady on the streets of Savannah Georgia all within 5 minutes of meeting her, and now those days are OVER!
Cancer is killing everything. The other day I heard that Cancer was to blame for global warming as well as the high price of chinese steel. When AIDS came onto to the scene people panicked and soon we realized...it only sucked if you were poor and living in Africa.
But now this, a grand equalizer of sorts, the kind of thing that Bill Clinton would shutter at...if he were in the oval office again.
There’s no one left to trust; every man, woman, and child has become some sort of whore with this insidious life-form lurking within the shadows...scientists fear that it might even be transmittable through simple saliva contact...no more sharing of drinks or joints. Every one is a god damn candidate and everyone is a god damn commie.
Forget about praying to ol’ Jehovah, he’s up there belly laughing his ass off at part two of Sodom and Gomorra. The one’s you should be praying to are the pharmaceutical companies with the cures...Call me what you will; an alarmist, a nut job, a conspiracy theorists, but like any good drug dealer, it is best to keep the client hooked than to cure...for a cure would stop their gravy train.
So what is one to do in this new found crisis? Not a damn thing. Pretend I never wrote this. Pretend everything is okay...pretend that hussy who you just ate out...has a vagina ladened with gold and a stamp of approval from the FDA.
As we grow larger and more idiotic, the ones who’s voices matter, will either be killed or silenced by the avalanche of tweets, tits, and shit you don’t need.
For this has become an end game that has already played itself out before a move was ever made. Sleep well kids.
Henk V
Tuesday 26th October 2010 | 06:26 PM
We don't drive cars anymore....
Ok, since when did you read the content MSDS on your favourite meat beating preparation?
The "objective moral" is of course unknown, but I am sure some will philosophise (sophistrise) or see some absolute logic (a virus is always a virus)
Joe Marco
Wednesday 27th October 2010 | 01:00 AMDice roll man...dice roll.
Henk V
Wednesday 27th October 2010 | 09:07 AMbut there's more than 40 items on sale at the supermarket!
People with those funny contact lenses certainly ruin your chances of spotting snake eyes nowadays!
Jake Farr-Wharton
Thursday 28th October 2010 | 12:47 PMWould it be unethical of me to just keep this to myself?
Papa
Thursday 28th October 2010 | 01:02 PM...in response to this comment by Jake Farr-Wharton. Trying to keep myself uh... to myself also!
TVBIZ(BOB)
Thursday 28th October 2010 | 06:11 PMWhat a tasteless article!
If you want to write about something Joe then write about something that appeals to all ages, not this rubbish.........
...in response to this comment by TVBIZ(BOB). Bob, I get your point, but when were we ever striving to have good taste at this forum. Plus, I feel that the above article is no less tasteless than Jakes anti God stuff. And then there's the question here: Who are we writing these articles for? I love to get comments, but after much reflection, I think I contribute solely for myself.
Not to mention, your calling Joe's article Tasteless is a purely subjective observation/judgment. I know exactly what you mean here, but to paraphrase a quote from someplace: "I don't particularly appreciate, or agree with what the man said, but I will defend to the death his right to say it!"
The other day, I was reading some comments on another blog. They were reactions to the fiction movie by Clint Eastwood: "Hereafter" One person wrote:"yay! just what we need, another movie glorifying superstition." and another:"why did they bring the tsunami into this?"----I mean, isn't the filmmaker free to build his story any way he wants? And then the ones like these: "the special effects are SO cheap" and " The CG looks unfinished and fake." If these guys were experts on Film Industry special effects, they sure as shit wouldn't be commenting on You Tube. And what??? "Downfall" had Hitler for the central character, but the film was not promoting him! And the Tsunami???? It's part of the story. Why does an author need to justify something that's in HIS STORY?
I think Joe wrote about something that must be relevant to his life. I doubt if Taste was ever considered. If we only wrote about things that were appealing to people of all ages it would be a pretty boring blog.
Sorry Bob...I didn't mean to flip out on ya'.
f~
Joe Marco
Friday 29th October 2010 | 04:01 AM...in response to this comment by TVBIZ(BOB). Kids should not read what I write, such as a child should not watch, 'Boogie Nights', 'Where The Wild Things Are' and 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'. I don't write for you. I don't write for anyone, except for myself.
When I write it's cathartic; I've got some shit to say and god damn it, I'm going to fucking say it. (Hence why all ages does not apply.)
I'm a stand up philosopher who's taking it street level, where the rest of us remain. There's enough sugar coating to give cavities cavities...and that been the problem, all that damn sugar literally and metaphorically has given this twisted and false sense of what really is and what isn't.
I twisted your perspective for a moment, I revolted you with my rubbish. No one ever said art was pretty.
If you take me too seriously, then I just might assume you might take yourself too seriously as well...
These are the grim realities of Life I discuss man, fuck the euphemistic language we use.
This is what I write about and this is the sick and twisted lens that I sometimes see the world through. All ages makes me think about writing an article on how kids can defend themselves from molesting priest by stabbing the fucker in the eye with a crucifix...is that all ages?
Bob, I appreciate the support whether positive or negative, but this is what I do.
Said in my best Sir Sean Connery.
"And Good Day to You..Sir."
Joe Marco
Friday 29th October 2010 | 04:03 AM...in response to this comment by Jake Farr-Wharton. I'm stoned reading your comment...uh..please explain?
Joe Marco
Friday 29th October 2010 | 04:04 AM...in response to this comment by Henk V. I know we speak English, but damn it man, what are you saying??!
Joe Marco
Friday 29th October 2010 | 04:05 AM...in response to this comment by Papa. That's like when Austin Powers was all, "Allow myself to introduce...myself..."
Henk V
Friday 29th October 2010 | 02:51 PMI think we should have another article on prefixes.
Joe Marco
Saturday 30th October 2010 | 04:07 PMFuck that, next thing I write is about how crazy my Halloween got...and how do I know this? because of the LSD and ecstasy burning a whole in my pocket...nah, Just kidding...I don't do drugs...drugs do me.
LadyO
Wednesday 3rd November 2010 | 04:00 AMAwesome.
Joe Marco
Wednesday 3rd November 2010 | 02:09 PM...in response to this comment by LadyO. No, you are awesome.
Henk V
Thursday 4th November 2010 | 02:09 AMFuckit... I'll have to stop cooking for women who just want a mouthfull
Being one of those who is gifted with natural brain chemicals, I've found out quick smart that drugs do not touch me as hard as other folk tell me.. I gave up early in my teens.
I have found out that superb food and combinations of alcohol (each to their own) really does ply the mood.
I have never found that taking any drug on my own-some increases my chances of scoring. Joe, you must have a lip magnet in you E-pocket!
I'd pass on my secrets to sexual success onto rusty for notes but Goldilocks may then get to reproduce.............
Joe Marco
Friday 5th November 2010 | 01:13 AMDoes Goldilocks have any sisters? maybe that was her problem, she should have brought them along.
Sac Duck
Tuesday 9th November 2010 | 04:06 AMI have a good mind to forward this to our HR department so as to explain their current out break of "cold sores"!
And to why I never shake hands:
Mike, I know you don't wash your hands after touching your weiner but I would have thought you'd at least have Fred wash his.
American Biker Dude
Thursday 11th November 2010 | 12:45 PMMan...this is one big bummer. Back in the day when you gave a girl some tepache flake, she was all over you in a second...now it's only her diseases. This blows Joe.
Friendo
Tuesday 26th October 2010 | 06:07 PMAh Joe my friend...Just be happy that you got it while you could!
Having turned 58 yesterday I look back at my Hay Day back in the '70's. Back in those days we all kept score cards (or notches on the bed rail), and it was every man for himself. Back then it was: "Free Sex, Free Drugs, and Free Rock and Roll." yes, there were diseases, and there were condoms, but nobody bought 'em, and nobody got 'em. I'm proof of that, as I'm still alive.
Yes, back in my day, my cup runeth over!
Our world today is ruled by fear. Not just in politics and government, but YOUR morality and sex life as well. The more things people are afraid of, the more easily they are controlled. Imaging how great the Catholic church felt when they found out there were some pretty serious diseases they could hold as The Sword of Damocles over the heads of Gays and The Promiscuous.
Don't get me wrong, there indeed is some great danger here, but imagine the joy of the church. Now, extra torment right here on earth, combined with eternal damnation. It's the double whammy!
So in other words Joe...You're screwed!!! I suggest having the damn thing just cut off...(or wacked off-ha ha) It's only good for a few more years anyway.
So at this point, what I said earlier still stands and is as true today as it was in the '70's: Get it while you can!!!
f~