Call me old fashioned, but...
Joe Marco 23 comments
Dating is too much work. Having to get to know someone new is not only taxing but expensive as hell unless she’s a breatharian who loves to give head. I’ve only read about such women within the back pages of some japanese fetish porn magazine. I once ran into an older school mate at the local porn shop, it made for an awkward encounter as I was looking at a ‘Buttman’ Magazine as he asked me what I was doing there? Asides from the obvious action of looking at filth, I was there shopping with my grandmother. What kind of an idiot asks another man in a porn shop what one is doing there?
It’s like being that guy at the bar with a bad haircut and an even worse sense of fashion, who asks the girl dancing whether she likes dancing? This is the same kind of guy who lip-synchs to himself when he dances.
I feel bad for guys who choose not to dress well, I feel bad for guys with stupid haircuts and I feel worse for the ladies who have to deal with them.
Lately, I’ve been enjoying my status as either a third or fifth wheel, although the odds of me being the odd man out has not increased my odds of getting laid, it never the less has placed me in a unique position outside of inter-personal relationship to mock and ridicule those found within the prison that is relationship.
You might think me cynical, but let’s not get caught up in semantics here...the truth is, I’m all about relationship, I’m just building a team, or as I like to call it, a hareem.
By now you can see I’m rather old fashioned, an old school sort of romantic who still longs for the days of hen house sensibilities. A modern day renaissance man.
Some men joke about the prospect of a hareem, but ladies and gentlemen I intend to make it my lifes ambition to create what was once possible.
Of course the notion is insane, it’s fucking crazy, it’s a man wet dream and nightmare wrapped into one. It is my magnum taco opus...the likes that Picasso could only paint of..
But I’m also a modest man with modest needs, four wives being all I would want, one for each season..a hot one during the cold months, a cold one during the hot months and old one during the spring and a young one during the fall, juxtaposing lover and season like a living haiku.
And once a year we would all meet up for the family reunion, all the half brothers and sisters playing together under one roof and every year I try to no avail, to have a foursome with my wives, until of course I am stricken with some kind of terminal illness like face cancer or herpes of the eye, which then and only then, would the wives grant the foursome, but due to the regime of drugs I take to kill the pain of face cancer I can’t get my dick up.
Call it a twisted fantasy, I call it a sick sense of normalcy, I call it a lofty sense of heroics, I call it a good time.
Gina
Wednesday 28th July 2010 | 10:27 AM...in response to this comment by Friendo. Back before there were STDs? Oh, you mean gonorrhea or syphilis or chlamydia or genital warts didn't exist back then?
Right, only babies were made, and promptly aborted and many women (and maybe a few men) got their hearts stomped on. Good times, I'm sure.
Not.
...in response to this comment by Gina. Come on Gina...I was just using a little artistic license. Of course we had those things, but they weren't at the forefront then, and hardly anybody worried about them. I mean jeez, I'm still here to tell about it, and I think all of my partners are too.
f~
Gina
Wednesday 28th July 2010 | 12:57 PM...in response to this comment by Friendo. lol "...I think all of my partners are too." Ya *think*?
anders
Wednesday 28th July 2010 | 05:45 PMLOL that's one of the funniest/interesting posts I've read here in ages.
Joe Marco
Wednesday 28th July 2010 | 05:46 PMGina my love, how do you take what I say so seriously...damn you woman, how could you for a moment believe that any woman in her right mind to agree with what I have to say...,damn you!!!
I am doomed to singledom. To a life that is far left to those who can imagine more than us mortals....
to Henk V...how's this to what the rest of us write! piss off mate!
yours truly,
M
Joe Marco
Wednesday 28th July 2010 | 05:58 PM...in response to this comment by anders. really? you rule! i am about to engage in cunnilingus because of this post.
Gina
Wednesday 28th July 2010 | 08:56 PM...in response to this comment by Joe Marco. Dear Joe,
I never actually commented on your "piece," I only responded to Friendo.
Gina
Wednesday 28th July 2010 | 08:59 PM...in response to this comment by Joe Marco. You know, maybe you wouldn't be doomed to singleness if you'd take your hand off your unit for one solid minute and quit wishing for women that don't exist. Geesh.
Joe Marco
Thursday 29th July 2010 | 04:18 AM...in response to this comment by Gina. My fractured rib hurts more than your comment. The truth is, I devote about 5% of my time and energy to the pursuit. It's not a priority...I don't take numbers, I give my card out.
devotion to one's art is far more gratifying to me than devotion to someone at this point.
But I do apologize for the drunken comments, I think it best to install a breathalyzer on my computer.
Joe Marco
Thursday 29th July 2010 | 04:19 AM...in response to this comment by Friendo. was it all really free? I think no matter what, there's always a price to pay.
Gina
Thursday 29th July 2010 | 10:50 AM...in response to this comment by Joe Marco. Apology accepted.
Joe Marco
Thursday 29th July 2010 | 04:44 PM...in response to this comment by Gina. you are sweet. thank you. (guys this doesn't make me gay..okay)
Gina
Friday 30th July 2010 | 11:08 AM...in response to this comment by Joe Marco. You're welcome. By the way, the article was hilarious.
Gina
Friday 30th July 2010 | 11:09 AMAnd I'm sorry you broke your rib. That hurts like hell.
Mini Mel
Friday 30th July 2010 | 11:09 PMman... no offence (being a girl and all) but wouldnt you be a sucker for punishment?... having that many women?
you'd really want that many women? talk about being pussy whipped to the nth degree.. sucker for punishment i'd say
;)
Joe Marco
Saturday 31st July 2010 | 02:19 AM...in response to this comment by Mini Mel. One can't know the highs without the lows...
Henk V
Saturday 31st July 2010 | 01:59 PMLets face it Joe, you aint here for the shooting...
Henk V
Saturday 31st July 2010 | 02:12 PMAs to your article Joe,
Sometimes situations happen and relationships become a management issue. I found out to my detriment that folk accept a situation and rapidly change so as to change the relationships.
There is a religion where drinking, pork and anal sex is a bit more frowned on than others. If there was another billion or so of these girls on the planet there would be no spying, dropping in unannounced, or confessing to their sisters that the sisterhood is sharing the one fellah.
Think about it next time someone is complaining about a conditioned lady in your neighbourhood. Might be time to take her some rhinewein, sauerkraut with kassler and lubricant.....
geez girls in the west never understand that we men are definitely not always attracted to their sexual organs...
Joe Marco
Saturday 31st July 2010 | 02:54 PM...in response to this comment by Henk V. I've notice at some joints if management sucks then the place sucks...Change the only constant...letting go of attachments to best deal with that change...
The goal is to become like Derek Flint...the only two films with this particular character were titled 'Our Man Flint' and "In Like Flint', and this guy was more masterful and smoother than James Bond...he spoke Dolphin, wrote books on physics, taught the ballet in Moscow and maintained a Hareem of up to five women... that is Masterful...is it possible to achieve such a level of mastery?
Ultimately the question I ask is, how close of an approximation of the term 'life imitating art' can one achieve?
Henk V
Saturday 31st July 2010 | 03:06 PMWhen your watch revives you from suspended animation. Remember the first things to thaw from suspended animation is your genitalia.
You don't want to wake up any day soon with your "reputation" in tatters...
PS, I knew Flint movies weren't very true to life when I was a kid..you'd think you'd wake from an incredibly long sleep state with a massive erection and a good scratch.. Flint exhibited neither.
Joe Marco
Saturday 31st July 2010 | 03:11 PMthat's why he was flint, he controlled that shit like a master.
Henk V
Saturday 31st July 2010 | 03:15 PMyou mean he could wee before first bonk?
What a guy!
Friendo
Wednesday 28th July 2010 | 10:21 AMWow Joe, you really are a pre-vert...I think you 'n me 'ed get along jes' fine. What are ya' gettin' for that cancer anyway? I could tell you some of the women/drug things I've done, but I could only do it if I wasn't signed in. Remember bud...I had my hay day back when it was all: Free Drugs, Free Women, and Free Rock 'n Roll. Back before you had yur STD's, Aids, and all that other bad stuff.
I used to manage a bar back in the late seventies, that had live country-rock music every week...It was ass kickin' shit stompin' rollin' in the mud, the blood, and the beer kinda' place. "Hey baby...how would you like to hang with me and the band after closing?"
Woh...Talk about the good ole days. Yea bud...you're just a few years too late. Ya' missed out.
f~