The Demonising of Men
Laiste 11 comments
I’ve spoken before about how our culture is creating a gap between men and kids and this recent news article is a perfect example of that.
The Victorian Opposition has accused the Government of failing to care for vulnerable children, after a 12-year-old girl who ran away from state care, was found living with three middle aged men.”
There are absolutely no details provided about who the men were or what connection they had to the girl and we are left to jump to our own conclusions but the overall tone is that three men are incapable of looking after the girls well being. Why is this the automatic assumption? Would this case have made headlines if it were three middle aged women?
What kind of society are we creating if men aren’t considered adequate care givers even to abused and disadvantaged kids? I’ll admit that I don’t know enough about this case to make a reasonable judgement but my anger is at the way it was reported, (the implied danger the child was because of the gender of her carers) and because it was used as a political hot potato, a kind of “under our watch runaways wouldn’t ever be stuck with a bunch of strange men”. If she was in danger because of who they were (or what they were doing to her) then that should have been stated clearly with either a police report or charges laid. If she wasn't in danger then why was their gender an issue?
The scariest thing of all is that this attitude isn’t isolated. Its becoming more common as fear and paranoia about paedophilia reaches epic proportions. While its good to teach kids caution about strangers in general lets not taint half the population with a brush meant only for a few. Men are just as capable as women of caring for kids. Enough already with the assumption that men are the bad guys.
Jake Farr-Wharton
Monday 14th December 2009 | 04:07 PMI think that those sort of arrangements are fairly common on the streets. Some people are abused, some aren't. I did some time volunteering at a homeless shelter and you hear lots of incredible stories.
Rodney
Monday 14th December 2009 | 05:48 PMAn interesting topic, as always, Laiste.
I was talking about a similar issue with my wife just yesterday.
Earlier in the week I saw a young teenage daughter of a friend of mine (14 years old) walking along the road, about 5km from her house (with school bag, etc, clearly on her way home). I thought about offering her a lift and then though "uh-uh - no way". So instead, I drove on and left her to walk 5km in the hot sun home, because I was too concerned that even having her in the car with me alone would be enough for someone to say something - even her (she's kind of a little sh*t-stirrer, to be honest).
So I was essentially saying to my wife how sad it is that I would now rather leave a young girl in the hot sun to walk home alone, than offer her help, out of fear that someone might get the wrong idea.
Trent Greguhn
Tuesday 15th December 2009 | 04:35 AMWell it's gotten out of control for both sexes as evidenced by this article.
http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/storked/2009/09/bath-time-photos-or-child-porn.html
(In all fairness my fiancee linked me this article.)
A mother had taken 144 pictures of her children, eight of which were them in the bathtub. They took them to Wal-Mart to get developed where an employee saw the photos and called the cops because they thought the bath-time photos were child pornography.
But of course.
What is society coming to? Where did all the common sense go? Circumstances no longer dicate action and people are living in a black and white world.
Great post, I completely agree with you.
Papa
Tuesday 15th December 2009 | 04:54 AMPersonally I wouldn't feel comfortable with my daughter with three men she did not know. But I do tend to watch a lot of Law and Order : Special Victims Unit.
I think a lot of young children are sexually abused at a young age. I personally have had dozens of friends that admitted it, many years later. I suppose the old adage, of "better safe than sorry" is why people tend to generalize those ideas of men and their inadequacy and sexual problems.
Laiste
Tuesday 15th December 2009 | 06:35 AMJoe, great link and yes, it is another fascet of this whole trend.
Jake, I'm sure you've noticed though that only the horrible/ shocking/ sensationalist of those stories make it to main stream media. I'm sure a tale of a single foster father who has cared for and been the rock of dozens of children wouldn't even make local news.
Rodney, that is so exactly my point! How awful a situation are we in! Something needs to change and soon.
Thanks Trent, and thanks for the link. Being careful and cautious is one thing but in so many ways this paranoia about child abuse has gotten to the point where its like screaming 'fire' in a crowded theatre. I can't help feeling, calm down people, lets get this danger into its proper proportion.
Papa, while I am a "better safe then sorry person" for the most part, at which point do we become sorry about how "safe" we are being? Like Rodney's story. I'm really sorry that a good man and father had to squash his instinct to help and care for a teenager because of fear. As for the girl in the story, as I said, we simply weren't given those details. For all we know those men might have been long time family friends, or a gay couple and friend. I also personally knew a fair few people who were abused as children. And every single one of them was abused by people they knew and trusted. People their parents trusted. So how does demonising all men and even their most casual contact with kids prevent more abuse from happening? All it does is make any contact at all something rife with tensions that can't possibly be a good thing for young psyche's to be growing up with.
Mikey
Tuesday 15th December 2009 | 07:12 AM...in response to this comment by Papa. Agreed. As a Father with 2 young daughters, sometimes I catch the eyes of strangers looking at me as if I've done something wrong.
At the public shopping centre when I had to escort my youngest into the toilets, I caught a couple of disapproving glances - maybe because it doesn't look good for a guy nearly 40 to be walking into a public restroom with a 3 year old girl. Or maybe because people in Perth have become more wary ever since the Sofia Rodriguez-Urrutia-Shu incident (https://rustylime.com/show_article.php?id=257).
Ironically, every time we go out shopping I look at every other male as a potential paedophile or rapist and keep my guard up accordingly, and I'm sure there are plenty of other men doing exactly the same. It's better safe that sorry as you mentioned.
I know my attitude comes from a combination of watching L&O SVU and from Sofia's story, bust mostly from being the son of a rape victim. For me, I don't require the media to turn every other male into a potential threat to my children.
The role of the media is to add a taste of sensationalism. But you're right in that there's absolutely no denying we wouldn't have ever heard about this had it been 3 women who took the girl in.
Trent Greguhn
Tuesday 15th December 2009 | 07:15 AM...in response to this comment by Laiste. It makes me think that because they didn't mention any details about the men, that they were just normal Joe's trying to take care of her. If they were doing something wrong, I'm sure it would be all over that story.
Papa
Tuesday 15th December 2009 | 07:30 AM...in response to this comment by Laiste. I don't think I am the best person to be posting on this subject, because well I don't really trust anyone.
But the threat really comes from men usually being able to over power a women. Of course this is not the case 100% of the time, but if you took a random sample of a 23 year old women who weighed a given amount and a 23 year old man who weighed the same. It is simply due to evolution and a number of other factors that the man will most likely have more muscle, strength, etc.
I tend to enroll my daughters at a very early age into martial arts. I have gotten taken down and abused by some very talented women in class a few times. Always wear a cup when you spar with a woman, because they know where to kick!
Trent Greguhn
Tuesday 15th December 2009 | 08:10 AM...in response to this comment by Papa. Ha, I love this.
I think I'll save myself the humiliation and keep my nose firmly in the books though, thank you.
Laiste
Wednesday 16th December 2009 | 05:47 AM...in response to this comment by Papa. Probably a wise decision, enrolling them in a martial art, It will give them a great sense of personal power no matter what circumstances they find themselves in.
Joe Marco
Monday 14th December 2009 | 03:57 PMEver since the film, "Three men and a baby" things have gone sour for men.
How can one blame the general populous for dis-trusting men with children, we've been bombarded with news reports about pedophile sex offending catholic priests and other weirdo types. Usually this type is male, middle aged, white, balding or thinning hair with a comb over, glasses and a mustache.
It's awful that the status quo of social consciousness is still wrapped around an image of men being incapable of caring for and raising children. Movies are big part of that conditioning process, films that show fathers or men being ineffective, bumbling fools.
And then there's the cultural double standard between male/female sex offenders.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/living/2003874026_predator10.html